There are times in life when we realize that the people we cared for the most were the ones holding the knife all along. We back off in order to protect ourselves and sometimes share our deepest secrets with people striving just to bring us down. Such conspirators try to ruin the relationship that we were trying to preserve by backing off. The conspirators feel that they can control the situation and feed on our deepest emotions to turn us in at the first opportunity.
In the process, we can get rid of the conspirator but not the knots in the tie between two friends.
This reflects what happened between me and a girl whom I loved to death. I had my reasons to be repulsed by her after I found out what she really cared about. I was hurt and shared it with a ‘friend’. Unfortunately, he went to her, telling her the things I said. My nice act backfired and she accused me of all sorts of things. I stood ground and decided I didn’t need friends like her any way , people who believe anyone but their friends are never worth the fight.
Nevertheless, when one makes a mistake, the guilt can sometimes take the life out of them, I write this apology with the hope that people understand what guilt feels like.
Yes, I went behind your back and shared my true feelings with a foe.
Little did I know, he was your friend much before.
I was unfair to you, no doubt
I wish I hadn’t done what was absolutely so flawed.
I can’t possibly apologize enough for my wrong doing except
I should have known I had it coming.
I wish I could tell you how much hurt lies in my heart.
I tried to be nice to you even though I had begun to hate you with all of my heart.
What I said was the ugly truth
Only, if you had heard it from me and not from that traitor who spoke.
I’m not justifying what I said
I made a mistake which I honestly regret.
There was never a mask,
I’m still the same person that loved you once.
This was not how I wanted things to end
If only you had heard what I would have said.
I hope someday this apology makes its way to you,
I wish I could tell you how much I had loved you.